Questioning The Nature of This Realm

The Past & Future Are Only Scenarios We Spin In Order To Make The Present Make Sense In Linear Time

Sun, 29 Jun 2008 22:44:47 GMT

My Guides said that, not me, and I couldn't think of a better title/subject. So there it is, but please keep reading anyway. {:\

What follow are a little story, a very weird idea, and an application of that idea which has been very helpful to me and may be to others. Also, I’m hoping for some feedback on the idea itself.

TRUE STORY

Three to five years ago I had a powerful experience with my guides. I don’t think I’ve written about it. It’s hard to describe and sounds both insane and stupid. But I’m telling it now because its been coming up a lot lately and maybe it will be of use to others, as well.

I was trying to do the Shadow Work as taught by Debbie Ford in The Secret of the Shadow. One of the exercises is to write your entire life story out. The idea being to get in touch with the “stories” you tell yourself that keep you in whatever roles you need in order to continue fitting into your ego fantasy (the victim, the intellectual, the spiritual one, the one who always comes thru....)

According to her we get caught up in these dramas and develop a kind of feedback loop and lose sight of the important information and just focus on judgments, fears, agendas etc. which are generated in these “stories” but they don’t necessarily mean what we remember.

Somehow events of the past are not remembered as simple data to be integrated into an ever increasing data bank, but our memory of the event changes based on emotional nuance and judgments made at the time. Essentially we actually recall the event wrongly – based on how we felt and what we thought at the time AND based upon what the event needed to mean if it was to support one of our ego based self images. I don’t even remember it properly but the web page is: http://www.fordsisters.com/clientsdford.html

I was sitting there trying to write my life story, bored out of my mind. It wasn’t an interesting life, and writing it out in that level of detail was torture. But I was being a “good girl” and looking for my Shadow Stuff.

My guides interrupted this chore by telling me that I didn’t have to do that work. They said the past and future are just “scenarios I spin” to make the present make sense in a linear time frame.

Needless to say, this idea struck me hard. It was a strong experience. Not like when they are soft or quiet and you don’t know if it was your imagination or them. I couldn’t dismiss this. It was a clear experience, and it had the texture of something important, too. But HOLY COW!!! What was I supposed to do with that?

It seemed at the time to be a literal truth. The past – all my history – my education, my nasty jobs, my awful father, all the boyfriends I’ve ever had...The Bubble Experience...every experience, every feeling, every action – EVERYTHING not in the NOW – is my imagination.

I sat there essentially in denial. I decided that it must be truth in a metaphorical sense...using a metaphor I’d missed. Not literally true...no matter what impression I’d had. I couldn’t see how to deal with it, so mostly I didn’t – and still don’t...

But I did venture a few thoughts about it though...

1. In a Holographic Universe... everything is our imagination.

2. Einstein said, “All time is now.”

2 a. I have long wondered if that is true...wouldn’t it mean that as I change in the present those changes reverberate thru my whole being?

If all time is now, why would change, learning, healing, growth – be in a linear forward motion only?

Wouldn’t my “past” self be more enlightened as my present self becomes more enlightened?

Wouldn’t my future enlightened self, which was caused by today’s learning... be equal to the past unenlightened self? Neither is in the NOW. Wouldn’t they both be equally updated?

** Remember that at the sub-atomic level cause and effect don’t necessarily follow each other logically. Science tells us (today) that this doesn’t happen at our level, only at the sub-atomic. But I’ve never believed that. We are made of the sub-atomic. So between today’s particle physicists and Einstein, I expect that my development in the NOW effects my core being and as such obviously would effect both my future self and my past self.

If my core being is updated as a whole every time I grow, change, learn, evolve...then the choices and actions and feelings generated at any “now” would be “caused” by that updated core being...my whole past should be different every time I learn anything today. As different as my future is expected to be. They essentially come from an altered or different person.

Speaking linearly, this would usually be part of a Science Fiction plot and we’d be talking about different time lines running in alternate dimensions. But I imagine that that is as true as the world actually being divided like yin and yang. I think they are useful ideas, devised by minds bound by linear time and linear thought, so that we can think about aspects of our existence, not our whole at all times. Like someone choosing to write several separate books about aspects of a complicated subject, rather than trying to write everything into a single book. People understand better and the focus allows greater detail to be acknowledged.

If I am just a Being – being what I am in an ALL TIME IS NOW universe ... I am whole. If I am capable of actually learning anything ... then my whole being must be affected at once.

I have long thought that it must be that today’s growth does change our whole self throughout time even into “past lives” and the oddity is actually the remembrance of life in any one way.

Still, stopping here to fully think of this moment as being all that is real feels weird. I get it but it’s also nearly unthinkable.

I still believe in other people. But I’m not sure that they really behave the way I recall or that events actually took place. (And come to think of it, it doesn’t matter. Even a mass murderer will grow and heal eventually. And as such, become a being that would never engage in such behavior. If I have connected with someone at a point in their existence that could sustain negative behavior, I must surly fit with them in that point of my own existence. But as I grow, my “past” would change and I probably wouldn’t even recall those events...if I recall negative events ... they are still mine, because I am still that level/ vibration/ being.

I think that souls touch and that we are aware of each other when our vibration is alike enough.

I think of people like stringed instruments. I believe that as our **strings** vibrate we deal with other souls in that area. Some may be close to us as we vibrate alike in many areas. With others we only interact in one area, until we update and we drift apart, having no other connection place.

Human Engineering Therapists call this “running tapes.” Others call it things like “subconscious triggering.” All I know is that in daily life people act like it’s symptomatic of something bad to simultaneously love and hate or to simultaneously value and resent or to simultaneously desire and fear. They act like if you have a conflicting attitude, thought or feeling you are not sincere in your interest, attestation, or participation. Like conflict equals negation. But that’s simply not true. Internal conflict is just the state of “being of two minds.” That is not a bad thing, it simply means that progress on one path or another should be halted, until the soundings of each string in the conflict are heard, acknowledged and the issues activated are resolved. The judgment surrounding inner divisions discourages true resolution and supports movement on a given path prematurely. It leads to greater conflict and to regrets.

“ALL TIME IS NOW.”

AND

“THE PAST AND FUTURE ARE BOTH SCENARIOS WE SPIN TO MAKE THE PRESENT MAKE SENSE IN A LINEAR TIME FRAME.”

HOW ARE THESE TWO IDEAS POWERFULLY USEFUL?

I had to leave it alone, in terms of living everyday life, because it’s just too weird.

However I did find that after three to five years of laying around in my subconscious I am now able to use it to process things I’d previously found extremely difficult.

Nearly a decade before my guides gave me this instruction, I saw a channeler who's name I forget, but the entities name was Comrade. He said that history didn't matter at all. Only my feelings. At the time I couldn't comprehend how history could not matter. It's the story of what has happened, how we got here. But he tried to impress me that my interest in history should focus on my feelings when I study an era, not on the story of what happened. I didn't get it then, at all. I think I do now.

I’ve been working with The Secret and its source materials. I’ve been really noticing my negativity and trying to deal with it as it comes up. So in a moment when I catch myself waxing negative I stop myself and look at that moment only. If I start to make excuses or explanations I remind myself that those details of “cause” and “provocation” are just fantasies I spun to make the way I’m feeling make sense to me in a linear time frame using linear thought.

Usually the thing I’m angry, resentful, fearful, doubtful about isn’t happening right then. I’m thinking about it. I’m blaming about it. I’m worrying about it. I’m gossiping about it. I’m ranting and rehashing about it. So I have to stop myself, look around and acknowledge what is so NOW. My environment, my state of being (at rest, working, physical wellness or comfort level, the weather, alone or in company, etc.) and then look simply at what I’m feeling. Usually this is a bit of a job for me, as I’m usually angry or scared of something if I’m upset enough to think of doing this.

So first I’m obsessing about my blame and outrage at injustices, inconsistencies, and inconveniences. Then I catch myself, but I try to defend the behavior as justified by (fill in the blank.) It usually takes me a while to peel away the layers recalling that what they did is irrelevant, because it might not even have happened. Then it’s some volatile judgment about their core, which is always (necessarily) based on my past experience with them. The things they have or haven’t done are how I know the deep worthlessness and evil of their soul. All of which is based on past experience and is therefore inadmissible.

Finally, a little tired of the circles, I come to how every bit of evidence leads me to exactly how I’m feeling in the moment. But having looked at each bit, and realizing that it REALLY may not be real at all, has diffused most of the energy I had on the whole issue.

Then I realize that what I absolutely know is that I am feeling anger (or what ever) toward whomever. Then I accept the fact that they are not here. I am alone at the moment. So the truth becomes an even shorter sentence. I am feeling anger.

In that moment of acknowledging the truth of what I am feeling at its most basic level I am able to just feel the feeling and know myself as a being in that feeling, without judgment of myself or other or situation/ life. There is no fear of repercussions if I let go of the feeling...because It’ not attached to a circumstance anymore. I can correct and heal anger, without fear of being undefended. I can correct hatred and grudge without fear of coming closer or more entangled with that which I sought to barricade against. The feelings are not associated in the moment with a consequence of their absence. And fear of embracing something more positive is greatly diminished, for the same reason.

EXAMPLES:

1. A while ago I was feeling myself almost crushed under the burden of my feelings about my dad. I was stressed out and depressed and losing hope and I did this – exercise –for the first time – accidentally – just talking myself out of going crazy.

I acknowledged that though he had quit work, and I had the potential of dealing with him all the time now...I didn’t really see or encounter him anymore than I did before. And though he was relying on and using my mom and my sister much more than before, he was not doing so to me. I worried about my mom and sympathized with my sister, but it wasn’t my problem really, it was not happening to me for whatever reason - and I had to let them deal with their own stuff. I realized that all that had actually changed in my experience was that I talked about him day and night. And that had to stop.

I talked a bit around the reasons he’s a problem for me, and then remembered “All time is now.” And that the past is just “a scenario I spin” to make NOW make sense. Then I started focusing on what I was feeling in the present moment, without reference to “why” or any narrative that made my feelings lead to conclusions or more narrative. I just accepted my individual feelings without context. Ultimately the thing I found was that I knew that I was supposed to forgive him and that I was supposed to love him but that I was afraid to.

I realized that under all that anger, (a LOT more than I still feel,) was a powerful fear that if I forgave him and allowed any love to enter and be for or toward him, even in a Universal sense, that there would be a connection between us and that I would never be able to truly separate from him. Almost like etheric cords or something would keep us bonded.

I felt the fear but acknowledged that he wasn’t there at the moment. What was so in that moment was that I was feeling anger and I was afraid to let love in at all. As I sat there in the realization of that truth of me, in that moment, I just opened to love. It just happened. And I felt better. The fear feeling eased away. Without a framework to support fear, the introduction of love is natural and easy and takes away the fear.

I experienced that by dropping my “scenarios” which made the feeling make sense, I could accept the feeling without defensiveness. I feared, but there was nothing to protect myself from. I felt anger, but there was nothing to justify and nothing to punish. No further thought was necessary.

I was a Being in fear and anger – period. I found that an undefended being in a state of fear and anger naturally attracts that which corrects those states, Love. (Like some kind of Cosmic form of osmosis. If I let down the defenses equilibrium is natural, and apparently consists mostly of Love.)

What separates us from the healing of Love, is our defenses. Our defenses are triggered by our belief in our “scenarios.”

After that my dealings with my dad have bee more peaceful, and much less frequent.

2. The next time I worked this exercise I realized that some of the anger and irritation I had for him was that he is a face of this place...a face of being trapped and powerless. It’s not really him at all. Its this living condition and situation and he’s just a detail that is equal to it. No different than the tiny unfenced yard on a street corner nearly as busy as I-5.

3. One other time I did this exercise I was ranting about something I expected him to do and I remembered to look only at the moment. I realized I was feeling very in touch with fear around him and anger because of servitude to him and feelings of slavery. I acknowledged, in the moment, the feeling of slavery, (because I serve without choice, which is because I am in a state of dependence – not captivity.) Without the scenario around it, there were no judgments about myself and how I let this happen to myself. Without a scenario there were no judgments about him and his lack of consideration or willingness to take and take. There were no worries or fears about how to escape this situation well. I only acknowledged the feeling of being a slave. What came in wasn’t Love... its not about Love.

What came in this time was the answer for what was wrong. I heard very clearly within my head, that my sustenance came directly from the Universe. Instantly I was flooded with a healing feeling of safety and complete security. I was not dependent upon my dad for anything. I was not bound to his service for my survival. My sustenance comes directly from the Universe, and it felt powerfully true.

Nothing in my daily life or circumstance has changed. Yet I still don’t feel the slavery feeling anymore. And I don’t fear him the way I did. Not as much. And as I said, our encounters are much better and less frequent.

(** “strings” as used here are mentioned in another post [I will try to find it and add a tag of "strings"] and are the way I visually think of our inner conflicts and seeming priorities. We are not orderly in our feelings or interests or ethics etc. Except the rare being that is in true harmony. We are like stringed instruments with every single thought, feeling, memory – every tiny part of us having its own string. Most of the time, for most people, different and unrelated strings are sounding at once. So we experience “mixed feelings,” “confusion,” “disorientation,” “internal conflicts,” “shifting priorities.” It’s not that most people don’t care or are just indecisive. It’s that different events strike different strings, and when those strings sound they are added into the “sound” made by the strings which are activated consciously when we are directing our attention and choosing our actions. )

The Field: Still wondering & a new development

Mon, 23 Jun 2008 15:50:22 GMT

Hi everybody. I have a bit of time this week so I hope to be posting about 2 or 3 things soon. But for now, just a quick mention about The Field.

It's been with me so long that for years I mostly took it for granted. I didn't know what it was and didn't know how to find out. So I just lived. But in the last year I've REALLY been focusing on what it is and trying to get some idea. Still nothing much. I was just inspired to write the following amendment to the post entitled Description of The Field and The Lights, because I was reading that post and glanced up at the Field at the edge of my laptop lid.

It just feels like anyone could just pop out at you - at any moment. Just be there. Like Sirius in a bed of coals from Harry Potter's flew network. I had a nightmare about that years ago which terrified me (as the ones just appearing "out of thin air" were aliens.) But it feels like it wouldn't even startle me right now. It almost ...feels like it's watching me. Though I've never had that impression from The Field before.

Anyway...the Amendment.

The other night my 8 year old nephew was crying about something. Oh yeah, they were misbehaving at bed time and mommy had said there weren't going to be the ritual songs before bed, and he just went into total melt-down mode. He wasn't pitching a fit, he was emotionally crushed.

I was fixing the curtain and as I turned around I glanced at him, but instead of going straight to his eyes and him, which is normal with a crying person....my eyes hit The Field just above the top of his head.

The Field above his head was gathered black.

I ....if you have read the other post, you know that The Field is essentially clear. I can see thru it to anything and the object is sharply visible with absolutely normal color and texture. But I can also look at The Field and when I do it appears to be made up of black and white dots, within a deeper field of light. Like .... well it's all the finest and smallest things I've ever seen...but you might compare it to a sea of white sand, with sprinkle of black sand particles ....kind of. Yet the black and white also seem to be about equal. Like the static on a tv station you don't get.

So for the first time ever, I saw a gathering of what appeared to be almost exclusively black "dots" of The Field. I only noticed it above his head. Ive never seen anything like this before. Usually around peoples heads The Field is more dense and more active. Sometime there are more lights in The Field around someones head, but thats rare. Usually it looks like the rest of the area, except maybe 25% more dense and 50% more active (faster moving)....but not darker or lighter.

Then about a week later my dad and his friend were over. I saw another oddity with him.
JP's head had a...shield(?) around it.... About 1 1/2 " from his head was a "line" in The Field that seemed to be made of a density of the "black" "dots" of The Field....like an outline. The area outside the line was normal. The area between JPs head and the line....was seemingly clear...way more so than the normal Field.

I never got to ask the guy I saw the lightening-like lights around, so I asked JP about this shield, even though he'd certainly think I was a freak. I didn't want to lead him, so I just asked if he had a knack for not letting other people and the stuff in his environment get to him?

He cut me off, knowing exactly what I was getting at. He said people were always asking him how he could still be in a good mood with what ever was going on. He said he didn't know, he was just always happy. I told him why I was asking. He was cool and indicated that he believes in auras (even though thats not really what I was talking about.) He said he didn't do anything special to protect himself.

So I don't know but I am interested and now looking even more at the Field.

Yeah!!! Going Home NOW and have you read THE SECRET?

Sat, 21 Apr 2007 16:44:04 GMT

Hello Everyone,

I haven't been posting here or doing any e-mail lately -- well for a long time. I've been busy. My stories I'm working on have been on hold since Thanksgiving time, because I've been preparing and focusing on the move home. And now it's here. We leave next Friday and are driving across the country. Yes, that's me, my mom, and 4 chicklets (the nieces and nephews) between the ages of 8 and 4. But I think it will be fun anyway. :) My sister, Julia, is already back in WA getting our house and stuff.

It's been hard to be a good girl, and not get on LJ, because I've had a lot on my mind in the last month, especially, that I've really wanted to talk to a few of you about. But I still can't, I'm way behind on packing and cleaning. So this is just the top two. A lot of people knew I've really been focusing on getting home, and I wanted to let them know it is actually happening NOW. :D But there is one other thing.

I don't have time to go into it right now, but if there is any one out there who hasn't read, seen, or heard The Secret, by Rhonda Byrne and many prominent contributors (Bob Proctor, Jack Canfield, of Chicken Soup for the Soul fame, Fred Alan Wolf, John Gray, and several others.)

I highly recommend it.

I have been astounded by the fact that there isn't really anything new to me in it. Yet, having it all there in one place, and so many people talking about the subjects at once, tied together things I'd seen as discrete - or nearly so. Instead these things are all related and these people tie it up into a neat little action plan. I feel like all these things I've known or believed or wasn't sure of but made sense to me....were just rattling around my tool box, but I didn't really know how to use them, and here these people come along and say - No, this is not your own imagination, these things are real and oh hey! heres how they work.

Funny thing is, Secret wise, for years I've known I needed help and have asked, prayed, hoped, wished for teachers or a teacher to come and help me make sense of it all and make it practicle for me, because I expect spiritual truth to be practicle. But I honestly thought it would come with new Guides or a better reception for my Guides or Higher Self or something. I had no idea there were other PEOPLE teaching this stuff, except the parts covered by Talbot and Dyer. Everyone else I've read mostly lead to more questions, not a deeper understanding. So I got my wish. In the most beautiful way I could never have imagined.

The format for the film is brilliant, if what you mean to do is teach. She just had the Teachers speak on the subject. Then spliced together the thoughts of each in sections. So they all talk about Intention at once, and then about Visualization, and then Attitude, and then ... on and on. Its much easier to digest this way.

One of the contributors is a man named James Arthur Ray and his book is The Science of Success. I haven't finished it yet. But already, I know I want to recommend it too. I am having the same experience with it that I had with The Secret. But I about fell out of the chair when I started reading about what he calls the "Mind Sets" because what he's talking about is what I call "Belief Systems" and I've never heard any one talk about them at all. He doesn't think of it the way I do, not different in principal, but he's like "Ok this is a real thing we have to deal with. So lets be aware of it, and use it to our advantage." A concept I'd never looked at. To me they are terrifying, not tools. He leaves out the deeper stuff about Mind Sets/Belief Systems, but that's good because no one will get bogged down in the fact that they include not only self image, relationship to "natural laws", but political, social and religious beliefs and beliefs about science, other dimensions, aliens, the "paranormal", and the normal. Love, fear, family, friendship, potential, art ... Mind Sets/Belief Systems are our WHOLE understanding of EVERYTHING together as we know it. And the content and relationships between the content determine almost everything about us and our lives. But when you read that chapter it is unmistakable that he is talking about Belief Systems. The way they work, the verbage in some passages, sounds like things I have in my LJ, entries I have saved, but haven't posted and conversations I've had with people on my Friends Page.

Another reason to love him is that the bibliography to his book The Science of Success, has Michael Talbot and Wayne Dyer in it ! :

As a result, reading these two books has been equally wonderful and weird, (in every sense of the word.)

Anyway, I guess that's the really important stuff. There is a lot of metaphysical / spiritual stuff this has brought up for reconsideration, and a lot has been really trippy to see many other people teaching things I thought were just my own suspicions and wonderings. And apparently having done so for many years.

So take care and maybe I'll get to go into some detail and ask some questions in about a month :)

Love Aedan

A note about each incarnation of The Secret. Be aware:

The Film is available for individual viewings at www.thesecret.tv for $5 over the internet.

The DVD is a better deal though because you will want to watch it more than 6 times. And the Special Features are worth buying separately if you had to. The introduction by Bob Proctor is great and adds to what is already said, but it is in the Special Features, not the main film. AND the "Settings" menu item has the Commentary feature. But instead of being normal commentary on the production of the film, (which I seldom bother with) it is an interview with Rhonda Byrne, about the Secret and when you listen it feels like the next stage, like a Summer workshop for a class you just took in college.

The Book came after the film, in chronology, and is excerpts from the film in each chapter by subject just like the film went, but Rhonda Byrne makes notes and suggestions about each idea.

The Book on CD is 4 discs long

The Soundtrack on CD is 2 discs long and is the audio of the film, not the music like a normal soundtrack.

The Secret web site - www.thesecret.tv - go to the web site, even if you've already seen the film there is a lot of cool stuff there. And links to all of the Teachers.

I know these things because we have all of the versions, except the book on CD I sent to my dad and I don't know if there are any extras on it, apart from the reading of the book.

Because I've read the book, listen repeatedly to the Film Soundtrack and watch the Film often, I can say that I have learned and retain much more from what I hear in the CD than what I read or see. But I'm that kind of learner. Each of the formats has different information and makes different things really "pop" to you. I, therefore, could not recommend one above the other. But maybe a group of friends could buy them all and share amongst each other?

A Meditation: The Soul of Prosperity is Optimism

Sat, 19 Aug 2006 16:00:57 GMT

Know that the soul and center of Prosperity is Optimism.

Release your burdens for the moment.

Open yourself... relax... breathe deeply.

Slowly.

Reach out in your thoughts

to the single thread of vibration

within the Univers' whole,

that is the unique frequency of optimism.

Think of it in order to catch hold of that thread,

but then let go of the mental thought.

Just feel Optimism.

Let it fill you.

Let it be the only thing in your experience.

In your feeling state, acknowledge every detail of Optimism;

every color you see;

every element you're aware of in the moment;

the changes in your body's posture and expression.

Notice your emotions and attitude in this state.

Hold the feeling of optimism within you as long as you can.

Every day.

Every time you notice a negative or dense thought or emotion,

hold the feeling of optimism within you for as long as

ever increasingly possible.

Work this meditation as often as necessary

until Optimism is the way you naturally greet every situation.

Until Optimism is your habit.

Your nature.

I wrote this maybe a year ago. If you like it, feel free to adopt it, or modify it to fit with what ever your working on. All you have to do is meditate on the thing your trying to draw into your life or the vibration your trying to align with. In that meditation you'll find the core feeling, the energy basis of your "object". In this case I meditated on Prosperity, but found the center to be Optimism. (That is, I mean, meditate once normally on the actual thing your after, to find the deeper core, then you can adapt this meditation.)

I learned this thru meditating on Love. Not any particular type or for any purpose. My guides just told me to do it every morning and for a while ( shrugs sheepishly,) I did. In that time I experienced that thing (I mentioned somewhere,) about the “strings” in us, and that they are in the Universe too. So sitting in the meditation I was literally reaching with my mind out to the single string in the Universe that is Love. And I held it as long as I could and did so repeatedly. It was awesome.

Later I realized I could do it with anything that actually exists in the Universe. I sought prosperity, but in the seeking of that string, I found that it was actually Optimism I’d caught...and it made me think.

P.S. If anyone hasn't seen the entries where I talk about the "strings" and wonder what the heck Im talking about, just ask. I just didn't want to put it in again if the only people that this appeals to are also the ones I've talked with about that.

Also, for those who think Prosperity is the same as wealth or success, try a very cool exercise. Get the best dictionary you can get your hands on, mine was the Oxford Unabridged Collegiate Encyclopedic so it was a giant black book you usually find in a Library. (Incidentally my favorite book ever....went astray in a move.) Anyway....look up prosperity and then look up all the major words in the whole definition. Look up each of those words. Then the major words in their definitions....and so on word after word until you get round to Prosperity being their definition. Then you have the full picture. When Spock greeted people with "Live long and Prosper." It was the deepest most loving and all encompassing blessing anyone could bestow. Covering every aspect of well-being: mental, physical, emotional, spiritual, experiential, material, psychological... everything unto wholeness. And then to enjoy it for a long time, too. :)

Am I the only one? (Allowing my crazy face to show.)

Sat, 08 Jul 2006 22:14:38 GMT

I wonder things I probably will never know the truth of. Not because I’ll never get the right education, but because they are probably unknowable at this level.

I read myths and legends. I read books and stories. I learn that Tolkien, Rowling and my sister basically channel each of their stories, though that’s not what they call it.

(Yet, the characters “talk” to them in their own “voices.” The characters come into their heads already formed, being what they are. They don’t know the ending of the storey ahead of time, because it’s being told to them. They have to rewrite if they interject too much of their own will into the story. And Tolkien spoke of believing that stories “came from another world”. If this isn’t some form of channeling, I don’t know what it is.)

Am I the only person in the world that is concerned about the fact that (to me) the origin / creation storey in The Silmarillion, by J.R.R. Tolkien, is the most acceptable one I’ve ever read? Because, (despite this channeling thing,) he himself believed it to be a work of fiction and was disturbed by the interest people had in his books, especially Americans. Yet, if it wasn’t “fiction” I would completely quit resisting my inner inclination to trust that “myth” as being as literally real and true, as any thing about origin can be in a linear frame. And certainly true enough to take to heart and use in every way humanity uses myth.

Am I the only person to have read the story and felt that way? That it is un-provable but makes the most sense?

I suppose that it is important that I have been limited, thus far in my reading of origin stories to Sitchen, Mesopotamian, Greek, Roman, Egyptian, Indian and Judeao-Christian-Muslim creation stories. Though as of yesterday I am now finding Norse and other European myths, too. We’ll see how they stand up.

Do all stories that we don’t construct ourselves the way we might construct an essay, come from another dimension? Is that why they feel so moving, compared to others?

If they do come from another dimension are they part of parallel universes where the stories are actually reality? And that they seem like fiction because they don’t correspond to our “reality”, but that they are echoes of that other reality? Do we feel them and tell them because they are alive and real, no matter how garbled they may be by the time we hear? Are they like every other thing we get from Spirit, true, but mangled and written over by our own egos to one degree or another, depending upon the individual it’s coming thru?

[The above should not be taken to understand that I’m wondering if, like in The Never Ending Storey, we are sort of writing other realities, where our fiction designs other universes. My question is weird enough. I want to know if some of us are “close” enough to other dimensions and hear, feel, see, them as whispers...mistaking them for our imagination...and write them as fiction. That no matter how “fanciful” the tale, if it came to the “author” in that way, that it’s a true story. A true alien tale, a true talking train story, a true flying octopus storey, true fairy stories, etc.]

If Tolkien’s myth is truly fiction, in every universe, how do we tell the other myths of the world and know that those people didn’t sit down to create a truly fascinating campfire storey? How do we know, really, that people of whatever status weren’t competing for the most engaging stories? In a time with little but cold, wet, hungry, thirsty , skin & bone survival was almost all there was to life...maybe that was one of the few comforts and nearly the only recreation while they guarded the fire at night.

I know what Jung and others like him teach about myth and fairy tale. But there is something inside of me that wants something more than the collective unconscious and archetypal images. I know that is considered a sign of immaturity, but I’m not ready to quit looking for something with fairly clear “registers” to the Universal Real Ultimate Actual Reality.

I am not ready to fully acknowledge that I do not know and can not know.

Or maybe it wouldn’t be acknowledgement, but giving up and believing the easier lie.

OH HOLY COW!!!!!!!! Or Rather SNAKE!!!!!

Sat, 08 Jul 2006 19:57:23 GMT

As I continue research looking for my right full name (changing my legal name,) I have found the coolest article on the web about snakes/serpents as gods and goddesses! I don’t know how accurate it is, but it’s a great place to get research ideas or to stimulate the imagination. And, who knows, it could be the product of great and accurate information.

It’s very cool stuff covering the world in pre-history to recorded times. It goes way beyond the usual mother goddess imagery and mentions of Toth and Quetzalcoatl. With a great introduction at the beginning on the difference between and origin of the concepts of Myth, Legend and Fairy Tale. (And why they are very different and that understanding that is important.)

Interested?

Just click the link near the bottom of the list at the right.

“THE SERPENT AS DIVINITY”

Also if this is a subject of interest or the more general subject of gods and goddesses of Europe you may want to check out the following website. The quote is only about the friendly snake goddess, but there is an extensive listing of many many deities. And I haven’t gotten to fully explore the site yet.

http://inanna.virtualave.net/slavic.html

“Aspelenie "Hearth Snake":

Among pre-Christian Lithuanians, Aspelenie was honored as Goddess of Home and Hearth. She took the form of a friendly serpent. The serpent was also considered a servant of the Sun Goddess Saule, and to harm a serpent was a blasphemous offense.

Ausrine and Saule "Ladies Bright":

Saule is the Sun Goddess of ancient Lithuania. Ausrine is Her Daughter, the "Lady of the Morning Star." Saule's husband, Ausrine's father, is Meness the God of the Moon.”

If you are interested in this you may want to check this entry periodically for updates, because as I continue my research I will edit in new sites and quotes. : )

End of Mayan Calandar & The Bible Code

Mon, 19 Jun 2006 14:10:05 GMT

So I'm wondering if any one but me saw the History Channel Special called The Bible Code II.

In it they said that they had found two different matrices (encoded pages or areas of text too close together to be statistically possibly random coincidence,) that said "Comet, 2012" One of them also said something like "annihilate" the other said "I will crumble"

The analysts interpret this as two possible futures. One in which "God" will crumble the Comet, before it hits the Earth. The other where the Earth is hit and annihilated.

I am wondering why they don't see it as "I will crumble the Earth" and "The Earth will be annihilated."

Thinking the end of the Mayan Calendar in 2012 is an interesting "coincidence" either way.

I've only heard the end of the Mayan Calendar interpreted as meaning an end of an old level of human evolution and consciousness and the begining of a new level. And that those who aren't ready to move to the next level won't.

I've never heard of it as interpreted as the literal END of the Earth. But the other things found in the Bible Code method they're using today seem pretty straight forward.

If it's actually the END of the Earth, that's only like six or less years away.

If you had 6 or less years to live what would you do with them, if you knew that ¹⁾ it was certian and ²⁾ that everyone else will be gone too, so there's no working hard to provide for the kids or what ever; what would you do with the time?

Once you know the answer to that question how do you modify it's implementation so that it accomplishes what you really wanted, while leaving the door open for the timeline/outcome to have been altered or the "prophesy" misunderstood. (i.e. you don't do the modern-day equivalent of not planting any crops in 999 because the world was ending in 1000 a.d.)

Did anyone see it? Thoughts?

Let the Nebula Build the Bridge (or Manifestation)

Tue, 13 Jun 2006 14:13:24 GMT

About 3 years ago I was having serious trouble wrapping my mind around the idea that we were not stuck in our situation and we really could change it even without any visible means to do so.

I had gone from a place of total trust (as I grew in the New Age, during my 20's) to a place of total doubt and fear (during my time as a Christian, my early 30's) and now I was trying to move on, but wouldn't accept things on theory or blind faith, until I felt I really got it.

This manifestation thing, was at the time new to me and scary, because I wanted it to be true, but couldn't see how it possibly could be. My sister had, however lived her whole life in the expectation that she could have anything she wanted, just because she wanted it.

Having exhausted every logical means of explaining why this would be possible, (which I remember nothing of what she said,) she broke down and tried to give me a picture to work with. This has stuck with me and I share it now.

My sister said "Let the Nebula build the Bridge."

She was trying to help me accept that I could have something I wanted, and not have a real plan as to how to get it, as long as I had a vision of what exactly I did want.

I'm a planner, toucher, doer, crafter, lister...flying by the seat of my pants and letting go is naturally terrifying to me. It is definitely a learned behavior for me, but for my sister its a talent.

So her point was for me to have a visual of what she had been trying to tell me. So...

See your self standing in a spot, figuratively the here and now, where you are. Surrounded by the deep black of the Cosmos. Just you and the All.

Now see off in the distance a bit a small discrete cloud upon which is what ever you are wanting to have, do, create, be... An actual image or a symbol you deeply relate to.

Examine that there is space between you. You seem cut off from your desire.

Now see a nebula of light and energy forming in some amorphous grouping before you. Between you and your desire.

Keeping your attention on your desire only, allow the nebula to "sense" and become what ever is needed to bring you to your desire.

"Let the nebula build the Bridge."

Love Without Attachment, Maintaining Love, Chakras, Updating Issues & Collapsing Gestalts

Mon, 12 Jun 2006 22:08:18 GMT

This post will seem somewhat "random" to all but the person who inspired it, but I include it here because of length (as usual.) However, I didn't even try to shorten it, because I know of at least one other person for whom it would be useful.

First I have to say something about the Strings of us.
I must have removed the journal entry where I really talked about this. There is a mention of it at the end of the entry “Do We Live in a Friendly or a Hostile Universe” see first question and first response.

I think of people as stringed instruments. Every single thought, feeling, memory, belief part, EVERYTHING in and of us has a string and they are all singing their song, (or screaming, as the case may be,) at once, all the time.

This is why we can have mixed feelings and how we can have internal conflicts. A person can truly feel that they are wonderful and truly feel unworthy at the same time. Because they are carried on two different strings and get strummed harder at different times by different things. It’s also how someone can seem so self assured and together and do something that bespeaks insecurity and neediness. Or be one way with some people and the other with other people.

This is why it’s easier to update issues and problems and errors, than people generally allow. See “Peeling the Onion” at bottom.

On Loving The Person vs. Loving What They Do For Us

I think a lot of people don't differentiate between loving another person and loving whatever it is that they do for us. They are just happy that being with the other person makes them feel safe, important, belonging, provided for, socially connected, sexually active...what ever it is. It's a totally different faculty that looks into another person and feels their feeling (the feeling of them, like a blind person telling people apart by voice and smell.) and knows their being and loves them no matter or apart from what they do for them.

When it's difficult to separate, (for me that's when I'm in the infatuation faze.) I make lists. I make it into something I can touch. When another person is almost nothing but wonderful in my eyes it's hard to tell.

So I list what they do for me all together, every bit, actions, behaviors, feelings they inspire about me, life, society, spirit...everything that isn't actually a feeling about the other person. I list opportunities and resources they bring, services they perform. In essence the first list is everything that someone else could do, if they were willing and able. Very like a role in a play or movie.

The second list is second, because I just got all the floating, gratitude inspiring, fun, new, sexy, self-aggrandizing, self-protecting, self-serving ...stuff out of my head and acknowledged on the first list.

The second list is mostly feeling stuff, guesses and sneaking suspicions (not the bad kind, just "knowings" you cant really verify.)

If I do one for my mom, it looks something like This

moody

infectious smile

deep waters

depressive

funny

playful when she feels it

grudge bearing

spiteful feelings, but doesn’t act on it

on the verge of wholeness, but so hopeless, wont even try

impatient

judgmental

just wants to be comfortable and happy

responsible

deep

good

reaching out, unsure and scared

open to Spirit, but not seeking strongly

internally focused socially

shy

feels warm and soft (inside)

grumpy on the out,

easily hurt, takes things very personally even when it’s not at all.

very bright, sharp mind, reader,

willing to be a friend, but only to those she selects.

shut down in much of herself, emptyish, but only because she’s hollowly getting by in life and has been so for too long....definitely bereft of her “Soul Skin”

(Ref: Women Who Run With the Wolves, by Clarissa Pinkola Estes, Ph.D., chapter Seal Skin Soul Skin)

On the chakras:

I’ve heard somewhere an attempt to talk about negative feelings and positive ones as being related to different chakras. Literally that negative feelings have a lower vibratory level and are related to the lower chakras and that positive feelings having a higher vibration are related to the higher chakras. Also that The lower chakras and lower feelings are more related to Earth Life and concerns of 3D. The higher feelings and chakras more related to the spiritual or Godly.

I didn’t relate so I dismissed it, but having recently heard it again I will speak of my opinion on the matter.

Many years ago I went to a session with a channeled being named Comrade. He spoke of the chakras and how people only interpret the chakras in the one dimensional stereotypes. Root-material world (often seen as issues with survival.) Navel- sex issues and creativity (often seen as leaking sexual energy or as being too pleasure oriented.) Solar Plexus - issues of power (often seen as powerlessness) Heart chakra-issues around love (often love of earth and humanity.) Throat chakra communication, Third eye- manifestation and psychic powers, Crown- Cosmic connection.

Comrade said that each chakra was always a center for the "issue" whether it was a negative balance or positive. So the heart is the center of love and lovelessness. Both the positive and negative expressions of the associated issues/focuses come thru the respective chakra.

The root chakra holds all that is of physical manifestation...survival, support, material wellbeing, material expression....but fight and flight are only one way of expressing thru that center. Self sacrifice and allowing of all potentials (i.e. risking death) and choosing to negotiate instead, are others. Living every moment in the full realization that all is provided and ever present in safety and wellness...is also a root chakra expression. Its just not your average one.

This makes perfect sense to me. I believe Comrade, (could be Kryon,) was the one who said it was inappropriate to assign a higher or lower status to the chakras. They are what they are. And they perform their functions according to how we manage ourselves. Attempting to live and express only thru half your chakras is not enlightenment. At best its hobbling. At worst it’s a serious problem.

It doesn’t matter that the vibratory rates are different. They are geared to different energy expressions. Its like comparing gold and copper. Humans assign a higher value to gold. But gold is not what copper IS. It can do some of what gold can, gold can do some of what copper can. But neither can do all, or there would not be two. They both are part of the wholeness of the ALL. They both matter and are equal in that way.

It is possible that there was a misunderstanding of what was said this time, but just in case their belief is as I understood it to be, I have to say out loud that what I read is (in my strong opinion) incorrect. Absolutely.

What we feel is what it is. Regardless of what chakra is associated with that “feeling” or “emotion” Feelings that are healing, uplifting, connecting with Spirit and Source, are enlightening, harmonizing, ... are pure. Purely what they are...Purely wholeness based.

Feelings that bring us down, lock us into believing the illusion of 3D, connect us with our insecurities and error based feelings of inadequacy, lack, vengeance, hopelessness, are simply not pure.

UNDERSTAND THAT I MEAN “PURE” LITTERALLY.’

Think of love as water. Think of the demanding controlling love that is associated with a possessive high school girlfriend as mud. Or at least dirty water.

Love is love. Water is water. The question is whether it’s pure or contaminated. And if contaminated, how seriously?

Whether the issue is love, provision, wellbeing, personal power, connection with Spirit, manifestation of personal will in 3D...etc.

Pure love is known for what it is. Impure love looks like jealousy, possessiveness, suspicion, commitment fears, ...whatever it’s tainted with. (love + fear, love +belief in betrayal and failure, love + belief that its not real because its stuff of fairy tales...)

Pure oneness with provision is to know yourself to always be in a state of abundance and having exactly what ever energy or faculty or resource you need, exactly when you need it. Impure feelings around provision result in poverty consciousness, greed, lack, neediness, never expecting to have what you need and so pessimism...what ever it’s tainted with. (provision + fear, provision +entitlement or competition, provision + manipulation of others...)

Pure expression of personal power (third chakra, and one with a bad name) is to be fully in your own sovereignty and right to be who you are with joy, while being in the same state of acceptance of and joy in the sovereignty of others. Allowing that to fill your actions with simultaneously whole embrace of your projects and choices and whole joyful embrace of that of others. And living in the balance between what that means in how far you can extend your expression while allowing the full extension of the others expression.

Megalomania, tyranny, enslavement, slavery, victimhood, oppression, suppression, powerlessness, fear, out of control, control freak, escapism, workaholic, ...are all tainted impure expressions of personal power.

And the whole lot, good and bad, are third chakra.

Singing Strings and the choice to Love Without Contaminants

(which is to love without needing)

Remember when I said we are like stringed instruments? Every string singing it’s song at once. Some empowered, well, whole, gleeful, loving, and others fearful, angry, disorganized, lazy, distracted, etc...

I recently heard of a real example of a boyfriend talking about, without saying it clearly, his attempts to live without the contaminations on his love.

I very sincerely hope he is not thinking of the “lower chakras” as representing lower levels of expression or development. Like he has to rise above first, second, or third, level of chakric expression.

But either way about the love I do understand. He attempts to live without contaminants on his love.

Whether he does this because he has updated a lot of “issues” and problems that make us usually approach loving a conjugal partner with fear, attachments, expectations and unspoken agendas or he is repressing those “impure” feelings, I don’t know.

But if he is truly able to love one and many people that way, it is a good thing.

I have long felt that love is love is love. That it is other factors that decide what kind of relationship the love is expressed in. But love of a child, love of a career, love of a car, love of a mate, love of the Earth...are all love. And the relationship is the arena of expression. Each arena comes with customs and norms, taboos, natural tendencies, a frame work of what the function of the relationship is in life and who participates (or not), sometimes twists of nature into the harmful or unnatural.

Love is an energy that is akin to life and existence itself. Being in a state of love (no matter what you are loving career, person, item, activity, ...) is to be filled with that energy and feel a connection and drawing together...at - one - ment with the object of your love.

The strength/intensity of the love energy combined with all other factors, circumstance, taboo, reciprocation, fulfillment, limitations, judgment, all your taintings and theirs (sometimes called “baggage”)...fall into place and determine what relationship arena you will express your love in.

That’s all.

A person who is able to love without needing but simply because he is inclined to see the other well and deeply, and finds there loveliness, and chooses a mating relationship because he wants the other above any one else...This is a person who gives a great gift, if he is truly sincere.

He does not cling or choose because someone is beautiful or smart or spiritually advanced and thus raises his status with his friends. Or because being in a relationship makes him feel safe. Or because by the time he’s been with a girl for “x” amount of time, the next step is to take a relationship to the next level. Or because it’s easier to stay than to go....or because he feels needy in any way.

He chooses one only because that is the one he wants. If he wants a particular person above all others...that is high indeed.

It is much much better to be wanted than to be needed.

Some people treat partnering like casting a play. Anyone who fits the look and a handful of very important traits will do, as long as they are willing to do the job. Others reach out because they are needy and the one they latch onto is willing to stand in and be there. It doesn’t really matter who they are or whether it’s a good or happy relationship as long as the broken feeling goes away for a while.

Other people don’t need to be in a relationship and barely care if they are at all. They have been in and they have been out, and know either way they are well and whole and happy. They know that in the relationship it feels preferable to any other state. They know that when they are single, after the adjustment period of mourning, it feels preferable to any other state. One has deep companionship and love. The other allows them ultimate personal freedom and the ability to know their own feeling and self when they are not mingled with another.

(The above last refers to my thinking of couples or families, any grouping, as being affected by each other the same way light is affected as it comes thru one of the large film stage lamps, where they only change the color of the gel/plastic lens to change the light color. The light starts white, one gel over makes it come out red, one more makes it come out violet one more makes nearly black. People are different even to themselves depending upon who they are with.)

I think the confusion of feeling less loved by one who doesn’t have the energetic attachments, comes from experiencing ones own loving feelings thru those attachments. If we love that way, it feels like that IS love. Its the love we know. It is normal. And it is the “known” to us.

It also doesn’t help with the confusion when people from different schools of thought regarding the chakras speak of “emotion” as base and being the function of the lower 3 chakras. While speaking of “feelings” as being the function of the upper 3 chakras. And others use the two words as interchangeable. (I of course, am of the interchangeable school.)

No one loves without emotion or feeling. Love is felt, and then emoted.

Unconditional love can be seen as love without attachments. Love by choice rather than motivated by subconscious fear based neediness. But there is no guarantee what relationship arena any love will end up being expressed in (except maybe that of birth families.)

(See Hands of Light, by Barbara Ann Brennan, and such, for information on how we suck each others life with our neediness and agendas. Even when we don’t mean to or know it.)

Needy Love Manages and Maintains Itself

by Driving Us to Keep Our Attention Fixed on the Other.

With unconditional love there is no judgment and no expectation of the object of love conforming to the will or image of the lover. Which is a good thing. But there is no emotional equivalent to the autonomic nervous system, which subconscious, fear based neediness does serve as. It keeps strong feelings and strong reactions and strong thoughts on ones mind all day and all night. Whether they are fun feelings or not, need based love does manage itself.

Needy lovers “fall out of love” only when they cease to need the other. Whether they learn the lessons that the other keeps triggering, thus updating the issue that brought them together and held them together, to begin with. Or they find the triggering of their issues so uncomfortable that they begin to resent and reject the other piece by piece. Either way they remove the energy built up on the other person being their partner. And draw back their own energy.

When our lover needs us, fears losing us, is grateful because their life was less worth living before us, is more attached to us than their family and friends who have been there for them for many years previous...it is initially a very warm, validating, important, center of the Universe feeling. And quite intoxicating.

But that can not be without the mixed bag of the source of those feelings. How bleak was their existence without us, and if we go or die, how unrecoverable will they believe it? How dissatisfied and friendless in and of self to self are they, that our presence is the only real thing that makes being them bearable? The only thing that suggests the possibility of happiness actually existing. Does the disloyalty to friend and family stem from deep disloyalty to them selves? Will they trade their personality, identity, dreams, longings, self expression for us if there comes a conflict of interest?

It is not easy to live as a needy lover. And a needy lover makes it very hard to be loved by them. A needy lover deals with their pain and fear and loneliness indirectly and ineffectively. (or they’d update the issues that create the neediness.)

A needy lover is hungry. Hungry for everything they lack in and of themselves, which they are getting from their lover. As a result they are demanding. They may demand with an iron fist or a velvet glove, and it may be clearly articulated or unspoken but clearly understood, how ever it is accomplished, they are demanding. Emotionally they are very high maintenance. And when the lover doesn’t deliver the required fix, they are blaming and punishing. Punishment comes in many forms, yelling or physical abuse, withdrawal of what is the accepted currency of “love” sex, gifts, time, eye contact, touch, conversation, dinner at 6, exclusive time...

On top of this there is unrelenting expectation. The lover must continue to give what they gave before, they must continue to be whatever they were that made the needy lover feel attached to them. If not fear, retaliation, moodiness, punishments, constant checking of distance ...(in sub lingo) they are constantly “pinging” out for a response and an estimation of distance.

Which means the lover can never change. They must keep their own weaknesses and issues that brought them into the relationship. They can never learn or grow in ways that heal and update. They also can only make limited “lateral moves.“ New interests, new jobs, new towns, new friends, new types of books or classes must be few and slow...Any of these would change their vibration and behavioral patterns and worst of all make them need their lover less. If they get much better, they just may leave...and that is intolerable. No change can be greeted without fear, resentment, suspicion, jealousy, judgment, skepticism...Its too dangerous.

Love Without Attachment Must Be Managed and Maintained Consciously

Every day, on purpose, even if we are fighting, sick, or think we may be done.

Unconditional love is to love no matter what. Love without attachments is love by happy choice, willing choice. As deep and satisfying as such spiritual love can be: (after all, it is sourced in the true seeing, knowing, choosing, loving of the others inner self, and is hopefully reciprocal.) it must be maintained on purpose. It is a different energy modulation, but energy must still be kept on the other and the relationship. Or it will fall out of existence. And to work, the other must be keeping that energy on you and the relationship as well.

This kind of unattached love only makes some sad because they equate love and need.

It’s just a misconnect.

He doesn’t’ need to be the axis of your world for you to love his soul. You have to be a being that goes outside of your self to love and see into another and glory in their beauty, even if they never know you.

But he does know you. And he (perhaps) loves you that way, as well.

To love another, even a mate, and not need them to be the axis, but instead to see their glory and love it, while knowing that you will be your self always. And well and whole and in no way diminished if the other beloved goes away, never knows you, or fails to love you the same way...

The truth is that you don’t need him either. The misconnect confuses you and the old habit of being centered on another (the beloved) for foundation is confusing you.

You need foundation. But you don’t need anyone else in order to have it. You need axis, but no one else will do for that. You need wholeness, love, aliveness, integrity....but those are between you and your Source.

You choose to love in the arena of mating. You desire this individual for a partner in that arena. You choose him above all others. The reasons why and how it works for you is thing.

Remember the strings and the water. If you don’t feel resonance with that chakra explanation, leave it. Just remember that our unresolved issues are what taint our love. Culling out and updating the issues purifies the love. Clears our love. While naturally diminishing or erasing our dependence, fear, attachment, expectation, manipulation, agenda, coercion, control, etc.

You don’t even have to choose issues to work on and heal. They will come to the surface when they are ready to be known, as active negative feelings. Don’t attempt to work on the manifest feeling, like jealousy, it is a symptom and only one. “Peel the onion” find the core fear, judgment, & belief (all three) that the jealousy is sourced in. That’s the level updating works fastest at, and easiest.

Why clear a habit when you can collapse a whole gestalt? Though it is destabilizing to feel a shift within that is so deeply connected to other things too. Especially when what it brings up is the fear of the insensibility of your old fears...fear of not living in fear anymore. (Because the basis is gone.) (But it is your familiar way of being. The way of being you.)

Let me know if you connect with any of this. Love and take care, Aedan

P.S. Was just asked about Peeling the Onion.

Onion Peelers are the luckiest People of all

If we will let ourselves sit with a feeling or thought we don’t like when it comes up, without trying to escape or assuage it. And without acting upon it as would be natural, we can get to the source and correct it.

The trigger / symptom feeling is intimately and directly connected to the glom of interconnected and related feelings, thoughts, judgments, historical / contextual events that we associate with the symptom feeling and with the core, as well as all the rest of the glom.

The gloms are the gestalts and are naturally interconnected with other gloms. No worries. Doesn’t matter for our purpose.

Imagine a 3 dimensional mass of spiders web. Not the flat one dimensional one you see in a bush. This one is in the ceiling corner of a 180 year old house and has been undisturbed for ever. Its deep and pyramidal instead of saucer shaped.

If you pull on just one thread the whole thing will distort to a greater or lesser degree. And going back to our singing/screaming strings,. they are set off strongly to a greater or lesser degree, but they all being affected by that one touch, are all set off.

When we feel our problematic feeling we can follow the string down to the mass. And by being in touch with the right mass, (we have many such webbings to sort thru, if we were going to do it like the inventory of a library, we‘d do it all our life...not recommended procedure.) but by being in touch with the right mass, we can go directly to all that is supporting and involved with our issue of which the symptom feeling was only one bit.

Holding our feeling in our acknowledged attention; the feeling that started this journey and acknowledging what its made of, leads us to hold in our acknowledged attention what those feelings and thoughts and beliefs are made of , and so on. Layer by layer. String by string. Just follow what you feel.

Looking at it will make you feel differently, but related. Then follow that feeling and what it’s made of. Just stick to the path of the linked feelings. They are what is active right now. They can’t help but reveal themselves.

The feelings will all have thoughts and events and other feelings attached. Don’t worry about getting them all. Just follow what’s active and strong, alive. If the weaker vibrations are weak enough to be forgotten, they may remain for a while. But they will cause trouble eventually and bring your attention back to it. Just go when it does come up. Respond so that matters don’t get worse.

Peelers of the Onion are self correcting mechanisms. The trouble is in choosing not to acknowledge and deal with the inner layers. Let them have their life in the examination. And accept what is valid and true, even if it needs to be admitted with pain. Question, discard, and update that which isn’t true or valid. Even if that means sacrifice or major change.

How I found www.melora.org and what happend (Mostly for Oceans_Voice, but anyone welcome)

Mon, 22 May 2006 13:06:21 GMT

You are very welcome, and if you are talking about the Melora.org site, I had the same experience, too.

I am changing my legal name as soon as have the money and have my full name constructed. All I KNOW is Aedan has to be the first name. Or maybe a middle that is what I go by, I suppose. (It came in a way that even if I found a name I liked better I couldn't deny it...but thats another storey. :)

Anyway I was on the web looking for the stories and legends behind various goddesses, thinking of taking one of their names as a middle.

I entered Athena into the search, obviously expecting mythology, archeology etc.

As I hit one of the Athena links I had this gentel, strong, warm, loving(?) feeling in my heart region. It was very real feeling and very strong, there was no way it was my imagination.

(And I wasn't looking for anything spiritual or comforting or useful personnally, just the stories associated with the names, then if I was comfortable with the stories, sound, connotations, I was going to check the neumerology.)

Then the page I got to was the For Star Children page that is all about Athena.

Did you see that one? If you did you know how hard it is to find the link to the rest of the site. For days I thought it was just one page floating in cyberspace. All there was.

As I read I had the same experience you discribed and then again when I did figure out how to get to the rest of the site.

FURTHERMORE.... While I read that page the Lights around me in the "air" were so bright, constant, thick and silvery (which wasn't their color, but an impression in my memory, because of how abundant and tiney they were) that it was like being surrounded by that dress fabric ....its not silver lame....it's like fine netting they put over a real dress skirt to make it shimmery, because it's got something in/on it that makes it sparkle like fine fine glitter everywhere.

But the Lights were so densly packed that especially in front of me to the left, my eyes stopped there, the room was dark, but usually I totally see thru the Field and past Lights if I'm not looking at them particuarly. But this night my eye stoped...as if that fabric had been there....

I have never seen it like that before or since. It was just close to me and present and very very cool.

When I got off-line and went out into the rest of the apartment it was still with me to a degree. I had that instruction on my mind about asking our guides to protect us at all times, in all situations, instead of asking in the moment of crisis. Giving them carte blanc to help us and protect us, forever....

I was going to do it. The skeptic in me liked the fact that if the channeled entity was not a good guy it was unlikely to give such an instruction.

But I was being me, and proctastenating. I wanted to do it later. Such a simple thing...but I'm like that.

I stood on the threshold of the kitchen/diningroom and looked to my right at the shelf there.... in the thick thick Field of Lights, and made out of it, was a snake. It raised its head and moved it toward me...a challenge? A threat? Not a strike, because it's mouth wasn't open.

I looked at it a while, just long enough to know that that was a new one, an interesting one, a kind of creepy one....and go. I didn't know what it was or why it was there, maybe the Athena or whoever wasnt a good guy afterall?

I went into the dining room and did my job....who ever had given the advice, it was good....I called on my guides and guardians and we had a talk. I was very very clear about their complete permission to protect me from all things, beings, energies, situations that were not directly serving of my highest good. Very clear about that, as I believe that all things can be used to your highest good, even harm. But I want to work the most direct and clear path.

Anyway....that experience made me reflect on all my snake experiences and I think Snake, for me is at least a warning and provoker into doing what I need to do. And certianly my guides or Athena had used snake to make me do what I needed to do that night.

Also, when I went to bed that night, I was having that feeling of instant manifestaion being possible and needing to controle our thoughts strictly....I saw another snake across the room on the ottomon. It was odd, because while it wasnt quite solid...it had color of its own, looked very real and was nearly solid looking.

Of course it had spontaneously popped into my mind/vision, but I diverted my mind and called again for help while thinking about this manifestation thing. It was so real that when I had to pick up the ottomon to move it, it was creepy to touch it right there.

PS when I said that I had a lot of Snake stuff, it wasnt about this...this night was only one on a fairly long list. (Of course, any connection with Athena is itself another bullet on my Snake medicine/experiences list.)

RE: Drawing the Fearful to Us. (See entry below "....mmm What about Evil?")

Sun, 21 May 2006 01:54:19 GMT

This is a reply to one of the comments Oceans_Voice left on the post below about and Alternate Belief of Evil... to really get this whole thing, you might want to read that "mmmmmm.....What About Evil?" post and the thread to it.

I'll try to take this one point by point.

"However, you also say, "She is preventing herself from remaining in the fears of what or who was in the alley"... is this not merely a form of escape? Of running away from that which fears us?"

I can see the seeming logic here. But by the same token a person who in a video store makes a pointed choice to look in the comedys rather than the horrors, is to be faulted for avoiding their further development.

The girl is presented with a spontaneously arising situation which caused many of her "strings" to vibrate at once (as do all situations in life.)

Some were the ones programmed by Hollywood. Some were the ones programmed by an incident in her past. Some were programmed by various people telling her how to take care of herself.

And some are of hope, manifestation, trust, belief that we have a choice of which experiences to have and which ones to leave on the shelf.

Some were her remembering in the moment to feel her initial fear and to treat it like any negitive thought....and let it move right thru her and out. Not to follow it. Stay in the feeling of the believing in her own power and right to choose....to practice trust....to be as powerfully in her right to direct her life experience as she possibley can....in every moment.

She didn't run away from something, she made a choice about what experiences she's going to call, court, choose, have. And she chose to make those choices as conciously as she can.

"How will we ever move past fear if we keep running from it?"

I read once that fear is a negitive expectation of the future.

What ever it is, it sends strong neruochemicals flooding our bodies. It is related to our root chakra and the instinct to fight or run. Which means that it is a belief of imminant danger requiring immidiate action.

Sometimes it is true. Our current circumstance is a serious threat to our health, life, safety, soverignty etc.

Other times its not true. Our current circumstance is fine, but misunderstood. Or it is a product of our imagination altogether.

Either way the danger is experienced as real, because otherwise it wouldnt trigger a fear response. As such, either way we have issues to deal with. Either we drew something dangerous or unpleasant to us OR we imagined such a thing in a very real way.

The point is our issue. And we can deal with those conciously if we choose, in our own time. Or we can let them attack us. I prefer the former.

Now, I do believe that the key to getting to do it in our own time is that when events happen, like the girl were talking about, we don't just leave it at releif that nothing happened.

We take some good quiet time and really look at the specific fears that came up, and any thoughts, images, memories that came up in the moment or soon after. And use it as fodder for our updating work. Take it to therapy next time, or journal, ask our guides for direction and anything they wish we knew, meditate...Use our process what ever it is, the same way we use it when were processing our other stuff, (childhood, eating habits, addiction...what ever were working on.)

If we let our more subtle life experiences provoke us into processing and updating our issues, we will not have the energy building into a large truely threatening event.

Gotta be a detective, dream interpreter turning our skills on life experence (just another level of dreaming) be diligent...spiritually and emotionally proactive.

"How are we really present in the moment if we pick up a phone to distract us? Is it really direction of energies into a more positive light or is it merely escaping the groundlessness, that sense of fear, that sense of I do not know what this is... "

She is present, she just chose what to be present in.

Of all the choices of moments to be in, her friends wedding plans were just the most preferable. The phone call served two purposes, but the distraction was a doorway out of the full focus on the fear fealings coming up.

The time to process fear issues, is NOT in the moment of possible danger. First of all the emotions and neurochemicals are reinforcing eachother on top of which there may or may not be a real situation to deal with... Second of all if you dont want to risk creating a bigger more potent experience than HAD to happen, you cant afford to put any more attention on it than you must, than that which you can't control (neurochemicals and screaming strings)

ALL you can do for your own good in the moment is to do the 3D things that will make you safe, in the most detatched way you can AND to focus your whole being on the highest thoughts and feelings you can. Be with your guides, be with your higher self and Diety as you know it.

Even in the midst of an actual attack of some kind you can put youself as much as you are able in a place of Spirit or you can completely identify and be present in the moment of horror, swallow it up, believe in it wholly, let it mark you as deeply as any event can...if you choose.

Either way you will have issues to deal with after. But one way it might be less intense, less damaging, less painful and less lingering.

I've never had any experiences in real life like you mention. Mine have all been the other kind...where you don't know what might have happened.

Do you think you would really clear the issue faster and more completly if you had allowed yourself to be caught in that experience and feel it fully? I cant imagine so, but as I said I cant speak from experince...

The Way Out of the Wound Is Thru It (mostly for Dream_Augur, but anyone is welcom :)

Mon, 15 May 2006 17:00:06 GMT

People judge and deny grief, pain, self-pity, feeling sorry for yourself, anger, fear, helplessness/hopelessness...

It makes me kind of mad. We think we are better people because we grieve for the pain of another, but to grieve for our own pain makes us weak? We are outraged at the injustices heaped upon another, but if we are treated unjustly we try to forbear and make excuses. If another has a deep wound that impairs their ability to function happily or well in the world we feel sorry and try to problem solve, but if we have such a wound we either deny it, are ashamed and try to hide it, or ignore it and work past our true abilities.

We are told not to judge others. We are shamed for it. But the fact is that people do participate in harmful and neglectful acts. To acknowledge that and it's consequences is natural and just.

I have found that there is a progression, and she's suggesting that you should skip the middle. Wrong answer.

As you read the following keep in mind the list people use when they describe the grieving process.(Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, Acceptance.)

I don't have any idea what happened between your parents and yourself, but:

In my experience I found that first I recognized problems, simultaneously I was ashamed of problems, and ashamed of myself for having them.

Then I was angry and I did blame my parents for their part. It is only natural, when someone you depend on doesnt preform the minimal role of providing for you when you are too young or inexperienced, fails to train you to survive well in your world, or effectively coach you to properly and successfully integrate into your community...(Even wolves can be trusted to do this.) It does leave you at a disadvantage and angry about it.

When there is abuse other than the above forms of neglect there is even more natural anger and judgment.

In this stage I strongly recommend anything by John Bradshaw (of inner-child fame, toxic shame, etc.)

http://eqi.org/bradshaw.htm

http://www.bradshawcassettes.com/index.html

http://www.creativegrowth.com/johnbio.htm

http://www.creativegrowth.com/referral.htm
(See the bottom...didn't you say MA ?)

And remember John Bradshaw has been doing specials on PBS for about 20 years. You can contact them for transcripts of the specials and videos of the specials for much less money than buying the DVDs of the prepared programs, often times. Also may be able to request e-mail notification of the next broadcast.

It sounds like a lot of trouble to go to...but his information is very important in a certain stage.

If a person still needs to recognize that they are wounded - BRADSHAW

If a person needs to fully feel the woundedness - (which is the only way out...thru the wound) - BRADSHAW

If a person needs to give themselves permission to be sad, hurt, slow, angry, impaired by a wound - In other words to say that they are wounded and that that has consequences - BRADSHAW

If a person needs to realize that there are many very subtle ways to be wounded that we ignore, compensate for and diminish - BRADSHAW

If one knows that, but is ashamed of the fact that they are wounded, ashamed of the fact that they allowed a wound, ashamed to resent the wound or those who inflicted it.... - BRADSHAW

If one is still denying the legitimacy of being angry about a wound or those who wounded them - BRADSHAW

If one knows and accepts the above, but feels that they still have some "stones" as yet unturned, need some help sniffing out their past, have the lingering feeling that there is something else bothering them that they haven't put their finger on...BRADSHAW

But later, once one has accepted the fact of and felt the pain of their wounds, and mourned the wounds as well as mourning the RESULTS of the wounds...

After every last tear is shed and done so without shame or withholding...

Comes the next stage. (It sounds like the clinitian wanted you to skip anger, blame, judgment and mourning and go straight to naked acceptance.)

At some point we have to realize that we bare the results of a lot of crap that isn't our fault and wasn't our doing BUT we have the PROBLEMS of it and we must clear up the problems or live with them forever in progressievly diminishing freedom.

Our nature is to gravitate, pulse, mask in vibration to wholeness. The unresolved issues in us will constantly call us to cull out the dross.

Bradshaw won't help in that part. Bradshaw will bring it to awareness. Bradshaw will give us permission to feel about it and to judge it. He will put our hands and face all over our stuff until we know it so well that it becomes old news.

Once we have fully allowed the pain of the wound, practical, behavior oriented teachers can be of supreme help. These are the Dr. Phil McGraw's of the world.

But we can't "pick ourself up by the bootstraps" if we haven't felt and admitted and done the pain work. The pain, shame, judgment, self-not-knowing, self-rejection of not having done the pain work, will keep tripping us.

However, if we have done the pain stuff first, we are in self-acknowledgment and feel ready to move on OR we will feel stuck in a feed-back loop of going over and over the issues, episodes, characters...

Either way the behaviorists will be the ones to seek. Some will be nice, because we're ready and cooperating. Some will kick us in the ass, like Dr. Phil, because we're not cooperating.

(But we can't cooperate if we are still feeling sorry for ourselves. That's why Bradshaw is important. Until we've done it, feeling sorry for ourselves and angry about these things is right and the only sensible thing, but after we've done it, it feels boring....time to move on and correct the 3D and spiritual messes in life.)

(Even though there is a point where "feeling sorry for your self" "self-pity" and such are both judged and skirted, everyone must do it. It is a direct way of owning our feelings, no matter who judges us. It is way of acknowledging our rights to be treated well and to be affronted when we are not. It is a way to be angry AND hurt about it and let those things have their life, until they naturally bleed out and we can see what is left...after the wounds have been allowed their lives, and to bleed out their energy thru expression and acknowledgment, what is left of us?)

To see ourselves beyond our wounds requires that we allow them, fully acknowledge them, and feel them fully and then allow ourselves to step forth...fully.

Once we see ourselves after the wounding and thru the healing, (even if it's only a knitted together scar) then we can vigorously pick up the pieces of our lives and make something intelligible, comfortable and beautiful out of them.

Why Read Holographic Universe?...(or statements about the illusion of 3D life) See LINK at Right

Mon, 08 May 2006 20:21:50 GMT

When I talk about the Universe, the Cosmos or Source I don't think I can properly be understood if a reader hasn't read The Holographic Universe, by Michael Talbot. (See link on my list at the right. Article written by Talbot, on the subject of the Holographic Universe Theory.)

I don't know if even that book would make me comprehendible.

That book is only important in my life because years after I'd had experiences which made me know without doubt that :

This world is not real.

The most important thing people can learn is that belief systems govern how we experience this illusion.

That there is inherent value in realizing this,

That somehow, awakening to this fully (not just intellectually) while still in the illusion is important. (Though I don't yet know why.)

Yes, it's clear that this directly corresponds to the practice of lucid dreaming, (but I don't know the importance of lucid dreaming, beyond controlling your dream experience to avoid nightmares and to look more closely at given details of a dream to better learn what is being communicated by the subconscious, or rather what is being retrieved by the medial layer from the subconscious to be accessed by the conscious mind.)

In this case awakening from the illusion of 3D would give us power to create our environment as we choose, recognize that much of or all of the scary stuff we experience is not actually necessary or real and thereby choose to quit playing that part of the game, and to realize that there is essential truth being communicated at all times thru the symbolic system we live in, from a foundation or Source much greater than ourselves.

These are valuable for living here in 3D because it is such a good illusion. But what is the deepest correspondence? Why in the name of All That Is would we come here at all?

In life we get trapped in the dream, until we learn to awaken while still in it, in order to use it for our betterment and to keep the nightmare dreams from hurting us, but we only put ourselves in that position in the first place because we have to sleep or die. Why, why, why did we come to this situation?

We induce lucid dreaming on purpose in order to use it to process trauma or remember things we've forgotten, or get at deeply imbedded information. By seeking the information and seizing the symbol we focus our analytical, conscious mind on it and at once decode it while releasing energy held in it.

Allowing us to process and update the erroneous information or to touch the feeling or belief and recognize it, embrace or reject it openly instead of repressing and denying that it exists.

Is this situation (3D Earth Life,) a way of looking at ourselves more objectively? Allowing us to access and update discrete parts of our whole vibration?

[To get that last part you have to know that I think of people like stringed instruments. Every single thing we believe, feel, want, think, expect, judge, fear etc. is represented as a string. One bit of us per string. Millions of strings singing their tone at once, always vibrating.

I believe this is why we are so inclined to talk of ourselves as being in "parts" ("a part of me feels...but another part thinks...") and why we experience conflicting feelings and opinions, etc.

Its also why I can honestly say I don't believe in evil, and get the creeps when I'm alone at night. I can honestly say that I believe that what we think of and worry about or think of and love, will be drawn to us. But also get drawn into a nearly obsessive loop of worry and drama scenes, when mom and sister take a 500 mile trip and don't call within 9 hours of the time they said they would arrive. While also believing that we create our own reality, and since all three of us wanted them to live and have fun, that is what would happen.

All of us is talking all at once, all the time.

(And much of what is going on is the sounding of strings that have been programmed with erroneous information, misunderstood events and faulty judgments and interpretations. Along with everything we've ever allowed ourselves to get hooked into emotionally or mentally - horror movies, hateful degrading speech from authority figures, beliefs and ideas of other people which we have taken to heart and made our own even though another part of us denied it, all manner of coping mechanisms which either worked to distract us from painful or confusing things, or didn't work but groups of strings corresponding to each other come together in a meaning so desperate that even coping mechanisms that don't work demand to be maintained...)

Depending on our focus and what we are up to at a given moment in time, some "strings" are vibrating stronger than others.

Each "strings" vibration drawing to us that which is like it. Every string, drawing it's own likeness, accounting for the wide variety of bewildering experiences we have.

If we have a basically loving and positive attitude, but experience something seeming to correspond better with negativity or hate, we can know that we do have something to update, it isn't a random anomaly associated with the weirdness of living in a 3D system.

What has happened is that one of the quieter strings that we are able to ignore, or who's sound gets lost in all our other noise has drawn its likeness to us.

We didn't hear/feel it's vibration before, but now we see it because of the experience we are having. If we take it as being significant and use it to search out the truth of us represented in the symbolic experience/event, we can decode it and update its basis, just as we do in a lucid dream.

The current state of most or all people is some degree of dissonance and the goal thru updating error and working out karma is to achieve complete resonance and harmony within ourselves. And I imagine, later to achieve harmony, if not absolute sameness, with our Cosmos, (as harmony but not sameness would still allow us all to be individuals, which is my preference.)]

Still have more questions than answers. Still get the feeling that the point of being here is to awaken completely while still being in the illusion. If not the only point, it is a major one. Unfortunately I still feel like I'm in the groggy beginning stage, not even close. I can feel that it's present though. ....curious.

I had already had these experiences when I read this book. But reading it tied them together and filled in the blanks. Not to mention telling me that there were scientists out there who wouldn't incarcerate me if I were to tell them the truths about me. It also gave me something of a language with which to discuss this.

(To my great woe, however, the only people who seem to have read this book are myself, the man who recommended it to me, and my mom who I had to make read it.)

MMMM....what about Evil? (Part 3)

Mon, 24 Apr 2006 03:04:34 GMT

All my life I have been exposed to the belief that evil is a real force in the Universe. That one should fight evil, protect themselves from it, protect others from it, avoid it, fear it.

I do not understand this idea at all. Most of my life I just left the idea of evil alone, because while I couldn’t believe in it, the ramifications of being wrong are scary.

(Except for a fairly short sojourn in a Christian church, where I got a terrifying taste of the fear of evil.) I have lived most of my adult life in this, “don’t ask, don’t tell” stale-mate with the concept of evil.

But at some point we have to own whatever we believe no matter what.

I don’t believe in Evil as a force in and of itself. I don’t believe it is part of the Universe at all, except in the fact of our believing in it. Like people believing that eating the eye of a sacred pink elephant, would make them grow grass hair like a chia pet, would be part of the Universe.

I don’t believe in beings that are made of Evil. Though I do believe in mean people, ghosts, entities, etc.

Or that there are beings that serve Evil except in the way that some soap opera fans actually believe the actors are the characters. And the scenarios are real events in the “real” world.

Anyone may believe in and serve a false belief. But it is still false. It is still only existent in their imagination or experientially in their own Holographic Universe personal Belief System.

If it isn’t Real, it isn’t part of the Universe except in the form of static (i.e. contributions to the Collective Shadow,) that humanity creates and has to be updated and cleared before we can be like-enough to actual elements of the Universe, of a higher vibration, than the thing we are dwelling on in belief.

I believe that humanity shares a Collective Shadow. That all humanity to ever exist (all time being now and all space being here,) contributes their own personal unresolved, disowned, disallowed, cut off parts to it. The Collective Shadow is made of our own personal psychological shadow.

I believe that when a person is angry or fearful or judgmental (whatever we would call an evil based feeling or temptation) they feel their own feeling, and channel what ever is like-enough to it, from the Collective Shadow.

I believe that this is natural. We open ourselves up to whatever we are on, at any given moment. If we are on anger, we are open to vibrations of anger. If we are on love we are open to vibrations of love. If we are on hopelessness, trust, fear or acceptance that is what we are open to. What we are like at that moment.

The energy and focus we are putting on our feeling or thought of the moment determines how open we are. Intense fear opens up to paralyzing fear flooding in. Mild wariness opens up a small aperture.

Controlling how much access everything related to Collective Shadow has to us, requires conscious work with our guides, both because they can materially help and because changing our focus from the mundane or from the fearful changes what has access to us. From the 3D to Spirit or from “negative” entities and energies to Spirit as represented in our Guides. (See Guides, below)

I believe that negative energies and entities are sourced in the same thing that negative people are. (Say Saddam Hussein) (Or a normal person with anger management issues.) (Or a person with low self-esteem.)

I see them as tumbling, tumbling, tumbling from Spirit into Belief System Earth. Like drowning people from a sinking ship who lose their orientation and forgetting to stop and look for the air bubbles to travel up to the surface, they panic and believing they swim up to truth, safety and wholeness they actually swim down. To spiritual death. Not earning Hell. But traveling so thoroughly and deeply into the 3D belief system that they learn all they learn from it as it appears on the surface. Taking the seeming hostility of winter, hunger, work, unrequited love, lack, poverty, material processes, death, disease, pain of all kinds, darkness, scary stories, every unknown ....all as Reality and Truth to be dealt with in whatever manner will best secure their survival, security, comfort, and freedom from the seeming reality of 3D...no matter what it costs and no matter who else must be sacrificed.

One way or another the belief in 3D and all the Truth and error that relates to 3D are believed in and taken for all the truth there is.

Greed, hate, genocide, domination, subversion, theft, deceit, murder, rape, incest, torture, disregard, ignoring data, ....everything we call negative makes sense if you are in the right circumstance.

The problem is that the circumstances that make those acceptable and understandable are illusory. Not real or part of Reality except that some believe in them and they are on the “Cosmic To Do List” of things that need to be cleared and updated.

There is enough. It is only a matter of experience until we all clear all our error then no one will care to separate themselves from “them”. Harmony is natural. The truth in us is loved and the error will be updated eventually....

There is an answer in wholeness for all the above examples of “evil”.

The task in dealing with “evil” is in getting to the point of personal wholeness and self-actualization and in that process clearing the Collective Shadow of our contribution. As this happens, the Shadow becomes less dense, less “powerful”. Thinner, until every contribution being removed, it no longer exists.

Evil is only our Collective Shadow at work. It is only able to “work” as we draw on it. We draw on it when we open ourselves to it. We open ourselves to it when we activate within ourselves like-enough thoughts, feelings and behaviors.

The process is reversed as we update those thoughts, feelings and behaviors. This usually occurs thru experience that provokes us to question them, and the beliefs or codes supporting them. Thus beginning to be internally motivated to different thoughts, feelings and behaviors.

(Otherwise known as beginning to change our belief system.)

(Several years ago I sent Lee Carroll an audio tape with basically this idea of evil on it, asking for feed back from Kryon. Mr. Carroll said he’d lost the tape. A few months later I saw in the newsletter magazine that there had been a closed channeling in Nevada (?) (meaning no tapes on sale) on the topic of evil. So I never got to know what Kryon would say about this. But I’ve not found any Kryon books beyond the third one. Maybe its addressed in a later book..

Do We Live in a Friendly or a Hostile Universe? (Part 1)

Mon, 24 Apr 2006 01:35:06 GMT

Wayne Dyer quotes Albert Einstein as saying that the most important question we must ask ourselves is whether we live in a friendly or a hostile Universe.

I believe that to be true. Everything rests upon that first assumption. We build our whole world and all our attitudes, beliefs, fears, optimisms, hopes, dreams, personalities, lifestyles, everything is chosen or accepted or settled for based on the answer to that one question.

At first that may sound too simplistic, but it is just the premise we begin with. Everything we do after is oriented toward one of those two beliefs.

Arguments can be made for both. There is ample evidence to site.

I think the best course is to sit and mull the question. Not to analyze the data. But sit and mull; to see how the two options feel inside us, and what a long simmering brings to the surface.

I think most of us automatically say, "Friendly, of course." Mainly because that is what we want to be true. But there are many who live as if the answer was the opposite. That way of living, (fearfully, bitterly, resentfully, angrily, dejectedly, doggedly...settling, hoping, trying, wishing...) comes from somewhere.

Those of us who are not living our everyday lives in the "Fools" assumption of wellness, provision, and right outworking of all things; need to know why.

For some they must know the details of the belief they rest upon and all the symbolic experiences that brought them to that underlying belief. Before they can make real progress in updating the belief. (If this is you try a book called The Secrets of The Shadow by Debbie Ford and check out www.debbieford.com)

Others will only have to put their finger on the truth, "Ah-ha...I act as if there won't always be enough ......That means...I act as if there is a finite Source that can be depleted and expended.......that means...I act as if there are more needs and desires than Source, (otherwise, finite or not I wouldn't act as if it could be expended, before I get mine)...which equals...I believe all resources and opportunities are points of competition, which I must lose...or I'd be provided for.......Or I act as if there is enough......but I am not allowed, don't matter, am not part, not good enough, God/Goddess/Spirit/Source/Universe/Higher Self...sees me as expendable or of little importance..." Because for these people realizing consciously what the problem is, automatically begins an updating process.

It doesn't matter what our "issues" are. The above was an example based on the recognition of poverty consciousness and/or low self-esteem and/or greed and/or struggle to survive and/or the negative side of type A personality traits, etc.

But all behavior styles, attitudes, beliefs, fears, reactions, "pet peeves", habits...that boil down to anything like the following Shadow Beliefs:

"I am not safe."
"I am not loved/loveable."
"I don't matter."
"Beggars can't be choosers."
"There are no free lunches."
"What makes you so special?"
"How can you be thinking of...(fill in the blank)..., at a time like this?"
"Don't get a big head about that."
"There isn't enough for everyone."
"I don't need it the most."
"I didn't earn it, so it's not mine."
"Nothing comes without strings."
"What's the catch?"
"The world isn't a safe place."
"People are freaks."
"I'm poor."
"I'm going to hell."
"No pain, no gain."
"There's never enough."
"If you were smart you would...(fill in the blank.)"
"I'm not enough." (thin enough, pretty enough, smart enough, good enough, worthy enough...)

are basically sourced in the belief that it is a hostile Universe. Or at best you could add to Einstein's two choices a third. Is the Universe a friendly, hostile or mixed place? But it doesn't matter the basis for the hostile Universe or a Universe with some innate hostility is the same. And it seems unbelievable to me.

I see the Universe , whatever it is, as arising from something or being something with integrity. If that is so, there is no way hostility, neglect, evil, disinterest... can be innate. Such things are something else.

We are either One or we are like One. It is clear that the All is connected. For evil, hate, and trickery to be part of the nature of the Source seems impossible to me. It seems it could not survive if it were about harming itself. (Like a human with an auto-immune disorder.)

However flexible and varied the Universe is, if it has ultimate, essential integrity it cannot leave a part of itself (for lack of a better term, ) to founder. I can not believe the Universe suffers from low self-esteem, at the foundational level. Or that the Source of All that Is, would only support part of All, by choice or by nature. Like a human body that naturally never nourished it's foot, or even more ridiculous, despised it's foot.

It makes sense to me that the Universe is friendly, because it is natural to cooperate with oneself.

When we don't, we call it illness or madness.

Just a note about coming entry have already mentioned

Sun, 23 Apr 2006 13:49:14 GMT

I'm taking off the first journal entry I made, because I realized that I had a lot of stuff in it that I mean to put in a future entry. I've told many people that I'll put in...sort of a spiritual path auto-biography...all the crazy sounding truth...so they could know for themselves whether they still give anything I say any creedence. Theres another one coming first, today, sometime. But thats why a bit of the one after next might sound familiar...but it's not the same at all.

Description of The Field & The Lights

Tue, 18 Apr 2006 00:39:33 GMT

originally posted 4/17/06

Hello All : ) My name is Aedan, and I'm new to LJ. My user info is pretty well filled out so feel free to see who I am. (The condensed version. )

I’m joining a few communities and posting for this on each of them in the hopes that I could get some input on some experiences I’ve been having for about 15 years. This post is very long. So I broke it up into two little blurbs and then the body, in case people aren’t interested or incase they would be but wouldn’t usually read such a long post.

I see a (energy?) Field and Lights in the Field. I have been to the doctor regarding this 3 times and seen a specialist. It is not macular degeneration or a retinal tear. If anyone is interested, please read the rest of the post.

Do you see things like this? Do any of you know where I might go to learn more?

<lj-cut>

If you’re interested in the same things I am, feel free to friend me. : )

The Field: (More thoroughly explained below in The Field)

If I didn't already know people can't see air or molecules, that is what I would think I was seeing. What ever it is, it is like seeing the air.

Seemingly particulate

Clear but visible

In constant motion - but variable speed

Always present

Variable density

Variable coarseness or fineness

Not the result of a medical condition of the eyes and not "floaters"

Imbedded with an extremely fine "meshwork" of electrical looking lines and dots forming a 3 dimensional looking mesh of light structure. (Imagine one of those palm sized nylon dish scrubber things. Now see the nodal connections of the nylon strings as dots of light. See the strings between dots as light. Imagine the dots and lines of light as being as fine as the threads in a woman's stocking. Hold in your hand the stocking fine, scrubby ball that's made of light. Now expand the size of it to fill the room you are in, and see it all around you. You are inside the nylon mesh of light.

The Field is my constant experience. It is never scary. To the contrary it feels vaguely comforting. I don’t know what it is but it feels like a good thing. Some Christians taught me to be afraid of it for a while, but that was just a transient experience brought on by my trusting others more than myself.

The Lights: (More thoroughly explained below in The Lights)

Somewhat varied in size and behavior

Varied in color

Appear on objects or in mid air

Vary in frequency, the Field is ever-present, but the Lights may be visible or not.
A
t least some give the impression of aliveness and emotion

Are most always extremely small (think grain of sand)

Regard them as friendly, encouraging...

Overview :

I will be 39 years old in November (2006.) When I was about 22-26, somewhere in there, my vision changed. Just as my own spiritual development began to take off.

Before this I saw perfectly normally. I need single vision lenses because I'm near-sighted. But I have always seen color normally and see items clearly with detail, before lenses and now with them.

I also used to perceive the space around me and between me and other things as "empty." The space between everything was empty, maybe lighted or dark, but empty.

After the change in my vision in my mid 20's I still need single vision lenses, I still see color perfectly normally, and still see items with clearly defined edges and with good detail.

But I also see something I call "The Field" and "The Lights" Only because I don't know what else to call them. The Lights are at least light. I don't know why I call the Field that. It was just the first thing that came to mind.

Directly related to The Lights, (but not the same phenomena, so it’s not included in this post) is an experience I call “The Bubble Experience.” After which, I had an alteration in my impression of space and density. I used to accept ideas like “over there” and “process” but now a thing doesn’t seem real until I touch it or it gets very close to me. I believe in physical things, at least for the purpose of participating in 3D, but somehow they are more like suggestions until I touch them.

I interpret this as being because at that point I have really chosen to accept, deal, work with that symbol or “register” of Reality (as opposed to my illusory reality.) But I don’t know. And now it boggles my mind that things don’t happen immediately when I choose them. I know we can’t yet translocate or materialize instantly things out of thin air yet. But it feels like we can, like it’s natural, and in the moment it’s almost confusing that we don’t. Except that I’m used to it.

I only mention this off topic incident and its ramifications because somehow it feels related to the Field too.

Incidentally, you may be interested to know that I have had my eyes checked specifically for this issue three times, once by a retinal specialist, but none of them could find a problem or explain it medically. (People think I'm describing symptoms of macular degeneration and or a retinal tear when I describe these things in less detail, hence the length of this post.) As I've said I was told there is no problem, and after 10 -15 years I would be blind or having symptoms serious enough to be diagnosable.

I have also been dismissed as seeing "floaters" but the fact is that I have seen floaters, though not all the time, and they look totally different and are much bigger. If you look closely at your screen now you will see dots, I don't know if they are part of the hardware screen structure of if they are the pixels in this image. What ever they are, there are dots "in" your screen. It would be like looking at a picture of an amoeba thru this screen, and having someone suggest that the dots you were talking about were just the amoeba on the web page your were viewing.

The Field:

If I didn't know better I would think I was seeing the air.

It is clear but obviously present. It is possibly a "physical" structure, because there are times it seems to be affected by air movement, intense motion or activity, and animated discussion, (the field around people I'm watching.) [This last might seem to suggest an aura, but it has no color, just sparks of light, and a higher density in the Field and faster motion around them, especially over the top of their head.]

Does not interfere with vision at all. It does not alter color or perceived texture. However, it itself appears granular and in constant motion. And, oddly, gives the simultaneous impression of black & white particles that are totally clear.

When I look at the Field (rather than thru it at something else,) it appears to be imbedded with a 3 dimensional meshwork of extremely fine light "particles" (the Field particles proper do not seem to be light, the particles of the "mesh work" do.) (Compare clear glass fish bowl "rocks" - the ones shaped like Junior Mints - to sparks of electricity.)

This Meshwork of light is pale blue and white light, and random looking like the strings in a deep complicated cobweb, not the sloppy order of a spider web, and not the controlled order of a fisherman's net. (Not to mention the fact that the latter two are 2 dimensional image-wise.)

The oddest thing about this meshwork of light is that unless I'm looking at the Field I never notice the meshwork within it. If I am looking at the Field, I often don't notice the meshwork anyway. I usually just pay attention to the moving particles of "black & white" and note their varied density or just wonder about their meaning/purpose/source.

If I do see the meshwork, (or if I purposely looked at it,) it is absolutely visible, but like the Field it doesn't interfere with seeing thru it, though the light dots and lines of the mesh are solid looking so they don't give the impression of being clear though they obviously are. (As they are in the Field but I can see thru it.) In saying, "solid looking", I mean in the sense that a spark or electrical arc looks "solid." Because that is what they appear to be. The "clear" look of the field is like water being clear. Though to look thru water causes distortion, the Field doesn't.

The Field is always with me, and is best visible in low light or shadow. But I have seen it in bright light. I used to perceive empty space, but now I never do. The Field is between me and other stuff. Like swimming. You are surrounded by water, and you can look at the water or thru it to the wall or another person.

I also don't really ever feel alone anymore, either. It's not the same concentrated feeling of having another person in the room, or feeling a "presence"/ "entity" It's much softer, more subtle than that. I allow that it could just be a reaction to never feeling truly separated anymore, because the Field constantly surrounds me. But I don’t know.

The Field has variable density. In different environments, it looks more active or may look thicker in areas. Around things, "living" or "inanimate" and it also often it appears thickest (like cobwebs, actually) between two legs of a triangle, like under an open step, or under a chair seat, by the leg, at the joint of a shelf to a shelf-system wall...

I naturally see the Field and many of the nodal mesh lights, I may choose to really study it, but I also always see it with the objects around me and in the space around me in a shadowy room. In bright light, I may have to look for the Field.

The Lights

While the Field has embedded within it a meshwork of light, that is not what I'm really talking about when I speak of "The Lights."

The Lights are usually (or always) much larger than the nodes in the mesh. (Think a single particle of baking flour compared to a single grain of course corn meal or a single grit.)

The Lights do obstruct what I am looking at in the moment. They are not clear. They are tiny though, so I see all that is around them.

Imagine going to a walk-in theater to see a film. Imagine that the storage room behind the screen had the light left on inside. When the film begins, if there is a tiny pinprick hole in the screen, light from behind shows thru.

Because it is a physical hole in a physical object, the "pin-prick of light" is stationary.

The Lights are flashes that disappear in a fraction of a second, usually.

I don't know if it's because they don't repeat or if they are also in motion, but the effect is a feeling of random appearance.

Usually they are white light or light electric blue. I have seen gold, and copper (metallic), red, green, pink (I think.) orange.

I have on occasion seen some a bit larger than normal, more like an eraser shaving, and once I saw a kind of royal blue one that started about the size of a quarter and expanded to the size of a dinner plate.

Usually they are just there, whiter than the whitest white. Sometimes they have a feeling of aliveness to them. Like they have will, point of view, personality, emotion.

I have seen a red one once that is the only one that moved at me. It is also almost the only one that didn't disappear as fast as it appeared. It was across the room, and when I saw it, I really looked at it because I had never seen a red one, I still didn't know what they were, and it was just hanging in the air, and then it shot across the room at me. Stopping just inches in front of me. As I looked at it and got good and scared, it disappeared.

(Got scared because here was this thing seemingly like the others, who had not ever seemed to have a will of their own before, and now it was acting...seeming to show will...and I didn't know what it was or what its intentions were.)

I take comfort in the fact that it left when I got scared, and not before.

Once I saw a bigger white one that just seemed so happy. It was the first I noticed to seem alive along with alive it seemed present, conscious.

Also once, by way of experiment, not knowing what the Field was but trusting it, I opened myself to it purposely as deeply as I could. I did not find out what the Field was, but I did see the only complicated light I've ever seen.

It looked kind of like a dandelion seed puffball, structurally, and was that size, but it was made of melon green light. Instead of sparking and being gone, it just sort of slowly phased in and then slowly phased out.

And once I saw a white light that just hung in the air between two people and as I watched it ,(I don't know if this happened in a "spark" of time, or if the light hung out extra long,) I found myself seeing a different world (?) as if thru the light like a "peep hole".

It looked like a house filled with golden light from the setting sun. The people also were that same golden light or were so in it’s midst that they seemed to be golden.

It wasn't the room I was in, or the people I was with, but it looked normal, just people colored by the golden light walking around doing their at home stuff.

I had the distinct sensation of "elsewhere" and have never had any other word for it. They didn't seem to notice me. I also was impressed by the feeling/image of being in my living room and then looking thru the light (as it were) and then being surrounded by their room, exactly as I had been surrounded by my room.

It wasn't like looking thru a peephole on one side is "here" on the other side "there" and they weren't a smaller world within this world, like Horton Hears a Who. As soon as I looked thru, it seemed that their world folded back over mine and me, and the two rooms and two sets of people shared the same space. Entirely.

I didn't try to look in the light or see anything, it just happened as I marveled at the length of time it was staying, and it happened.

Sometimes I can feel the Lights as they appear. It's like a pressure sensation in my head or other body area.

[As with almost all my other "non-linear experiences", I did not notice the oddness of this in the moment. Only after it was over and I was telling my companions about it, did I realize that something weird had happened. Also as with most of my experiences, it wasn't at all scary]

[I don't even know when I started seeing the Field or the Lights, because I didn't notice them as odd, until I asked my mom if the "texture of reality" had changed since she was a kid,(thinking that since photos are clear today and grainy in the past, maybe it was related.) She didn't have any idea what I was talking about, and as I explained I like...remembered...that I hadn't always seen this way. I had a similar experience regarding the Lights, but it wasn't prompted by this conversation. I would have thought it would be, but not. ]

I lump the "blacks" into this category because they aren't prevalent enough to get their own. But they are not actually lights, they are more like tiny blobs of black ink floating and disappearing. They hang longer, leave slower, and don’t seem to let light pass thru. I can't decide if they are spaces of something black or if they are black because they are spaces of nothing.

Finally, the lights sometimes appear as electric blue dots that shoot electric blue lines out of them and at the end of which appears the same or another electric blue dot. These appear in arrangements so involved they remind me of the straight-line patterns in pictures of the face of the moon.

Sometimes Lights, The Field or Both appear in such density that I can see pictures (like one may in the clouds or the patterns in shag carpet.) I do not' know if they are the result of the extrapolating function of my brain or if they are related to something real.